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In today’s hedonistic society, a proper understanding
of sex and marriage is one of the most confusing subjects effecting
our society today. The Bible is just as relevant today, as
it has always been, for answers pertaining to a proper view and
attitude about human sexuality and the institute of marriage. I
have encountered questions about this subject matter more than any
other. Great confusion is widespread and many, both Christian and
non-believer alike, are sincerely seeking answers as to what is
acceptable sexual activity within the context of marriage.
First, it must be understood that the
Bible is God’s instruction book that is the standard against which
all contradicting thoughts and philosophies must be weighed. Every
moral issue must be weighed in the light of the Scriptures as to
what is right and what is wrong, especially in the life of the believer.
For the non-believer, it is their standard as well, but generally
the non-believer will seek after their own understanding and philosophy
instead and reject what is clearly introduced in the Bible as the
instructions for a well adjusted and happy marriage. This is understandable
and it should not be expected of them to follow something in which
they do not believe.
With that in mind, the guides that the
Bible offers are intended for those who are born again by the Spirit
of God and therefore can understand marriage and sex within the
context of the Bible as their guide. For those who may be unequally
yoked, the first step is for your spouse to come into the knowledge
of the saving grace of God and be born again by the Spirit of God
before sex and marriage can be fully realized for what God had intended
it to be. But take heart. Whether you became unequally yoked through
your own conversion during the time you were married to your present
spouse, or if you made a mistake and were a believer who married
a non-believer, it is my desire that this sermon will help in bringing
your non-believing spouse into a personal relationship with Jesus.
It is also my desire to help married couples who are both believers
to have their marriage grow deeper into what God had intended for
it to be as well. I believe a full understanding of the value God
places on human sexuality and marriage is contained in His written
Word, and it far surpasses anything the world has to offer in both
enjoyment and happiness.
I am not concerned with those who may
disagree with my opinion, for it is only their opinion that I must
disagree with. Also because I believe the views I will express are
strictly from a biblical viewpoint, so the disagreements we may
have can only come from their own interpretations of specific verses.
I am of the mind that God’s written Word alone can fully offer the
correct answers to all the problems of life, which include questions
about human sexuality and marriage. I believe this because, for
example, if we are having a problem with a car not running properly,
we don’t go to a dentist for the solution. We go to one who knows
best and that would be a mechanic. It is the same way when dealing
with human needs, desires and emotions. We go to the One who knows
best. Who better to have the solutions to what He created than the
One who created us?
GOD’S VIEW ON HUMAN SEXUALITY
The subject of human sexuality perks up
the ears of anyone who has blood flowing through their veins, and
one must ask the question as to why. The answer is rather simple,
because God created us as sexual beings, and this is a normal and
natural desire for anyone who was not born with the gift of celibacy,
which is truly a very small number. (How many of us have encountered
such a person throughout their life?) Those of us who were not born
with this gift probably have just as hard of a time understanding
how someone could not be interested in sexuality as those who do
have the gift wonder why all the fuss. They, of course, don’t have
the problems which can occur for those of us who do not have the
gift of celibacy.
Without getting into all of the theological debates,
I for one believe that the Apostle Paul was of this number, if not
born this way, became a genuine celibate after his Damascus road
experience. (Please don’t be confused by this. I do not believe
that this is a model for all who have been born again to follow.)
One good argument that he was not born celibate is the fact that
Paul was a Pharisee, and in that time of history, a Pharisee could
not be a single man because he was expected to conceive children
for future generations. Although the Bible never specifically mentions
that he had a wife or children, I believe he was married. Whether
she choose to leave him or if she died, it is not important for
the discussion of this subject. What is important is the fact that
the overwhelming vast majority of us were born with sexual desires
that need to be met.
How we view sexuality will effect each
and everyone of us throughout our lives if not given the proper
view about human sexuality from the Grand Designer who created us
as sexual beings. For the believer, a denial that we are sexual
beings will lead to all sorts of suppressed desires which in turn
will cause a lifetime of frustration and unhappiness, which God
does not desire for his children.
Another problem which can occur is that
the lines which one must not cross over can become blurred. This
causes guilt and confusion which can drive us further from God because
there is a constant battle between our desires and what we may perceive
as being wrong in God’s eyes, forcing us often to be angry with
God and question why He created us as sexual beings because at times
it only seems to add to the problems of life. This can be especially
true for the believer who has a non-believing spouse because the
non-believer is being constantly conditioned by the world around
them to believe that the only way to enjoy sexuality is to completely
abandon any idea that God created us as sexual beings (or that there
even is a God at all). In their mind, the only way to enjoy sexuality
is to completely abandon all guides and follow after what the world
says will bring fulfillment to these desires according to their
own understanding. (This is the philosophy of sensualism that is
permeating our society today: do whatever with whomever wherever;
if it feels good, just do it.)
So, what is the answer to this dilemma?
I believe it all stems from the wrong view of how God created us
as sexual beings and the answer begins with the right view which
needs to be explained for both the non-believer as well as the believer
to fully understand what is acceptable and what is not.
- First of all, God created man and woman,
in other words, the two sexes perfectly designed for one another,
and God placed the desire for one another in them on purpose.
(Gen. 1:27-28, 31; Gen. 5:1-2; Matt. 19:4)
- Secondly, the main PURPOSE is for procreation
of mankind (as is the design of all the creatures He created both
male and female). (Gen. 1:21-25)
- Thirdly, He wanted to assure that His
INTENT would be followed through, and He did a very good job of
assuring that would happen. (I don’t think I will get too many
disagreements on this statement.)
Then, to assure His INTENT would be followed
out, He made two decisions, one for the animal kingdom and
one for mankind. For the animal kingdom, He placed the instinct
of mating which would occur only after the female came into heat
and the male would respond accordingly to how he is programmed by
the Grand Designer. However, for mankind it was special. God made
the act of reproduction to be a pleasurable experience. (Gen. 18:12,
Prov. 5:19, Song of Solomon)
If it were not God’s intent for us to find the
sexual experience pleasurable, then He would have created
us as He did the animal kingdom. Given the two choices, which do
you think we would prefer? Also, imagine the added problems that
would have been caused throughout the history of mankind and in
our present society if we were created in the same manner as the
animal kingdom. (By the way, so much for evolution by the mere fact
of this alone.) Who of you would like to share your sweetheart,
fiancé(e) or spouse with every tomcat and feline in the neighborhood?
We are being told today that acting like felines and tomcats is
the ultimate fulfillment of our sexual desires. If this were true,
then we would see societies that follow this becoming happier and
happier, but what you and I see today is that we as a society are
becoming less and less happy and content the more we cross the line
into what the world tells us will bring us more happiness (hedonism).
In discussing this matter of sexuality
from a Christian perspective, usually the immediate response or
thought of what that means is, “Oh boy, there goes all the fun and
pleasure.” I totally disagree. Many can disagree with me on this
matter, but I believe it requires a frank and honest discussion
from what I believe is truly a biblical perspective.
God condemns only the wrong use of His
intent and purpose of sexuality, and nothing else. What then is
the wrong purpose and intent? From what I spoke of previously, God
created us as sexual beings with the INTENT of pleasure and for
the PURPOSE of procreation as man and wife for a strong and happy
family to raise our children in a good and loving environment. Today,
what is classified as a family unit is constantly being challenged,
and it really doesn’t matter how strong of an argument they would
try and put forth as being a better way of life, I reject their
claims simply by the fact that it does not line up with the reality
of what you and I see and experience each and every day. On this
matter, I do not see it being necessary to discuss all of the other
views which go against what I’ve already said. Reality speaks for
itself. IF IT IS SEXUAL ACTIVITY WHICH IS NOT
BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN IN THE CONFINES OF MARRIAGE, IT IS WRONG
AND GOD CONDEMNS IT. If any other questions come to mind
that do not fit that description, there is no other answer. Although
I know that I probably made many people mad at this point, please
allow me to continue. I believe you will be delighted if you stick
it out to the finish and you won’t be quite so offended.
SEXUAL ACTIVITY AND THE MARRIAGE BED
If you were to ask now, “What sexual expressions
are acceptable and which are not acceptable in the marriage bed?”,
I’d say to you that whatever you believe to be acceptable and not
acceptable, God has no restrictions and you are to judge that for
yourselves (Heb. 13:4). God gives great latitudes in that regard,
and leaves it up to you to determine. He gave each and everyone
of us desires that we may express in the marriage bed which, in
His eyes, is pure and holy. I am sure that at this point many will
accuse me of over simplification, but I don’t believe so. It is
only complicated if you wish for it to be more so than that.
You may ask me to express my own views
of what is and what is not acceptable in the marriage bed, but what
I would tell you would merely be my own views which might or might
not be the same standards of acceptability as yours. Would I be
wrong? Or would you be wrong? I believe the Bible is silent regarding
acceptability in the marriage bed. I believe that it is something
that must be agreed upon by a husband and wife and must fit their
own standards of acceptability. When the Bible doesn’t speak on
a subject, one must be very careful not to put words in God’s mouth
about that particular subject. I am of the opinion that whatever
goes on between a man and a woman in the marriage bed is entirely
between them and God and what they themselves determine is right
and wrong. Let God judge that. As for you, you would be wise not
to impose your beliefs upon someone else’s marriage bed when God
has called it holy and pure. You and I are not the judge of it,
other than what has already been mentioned above as what constitutes
God’s intent and purpose for human sexuality and marriage.
HOW DID GOD INTEND FOR MARRIAGE TO BE?
Before I begin to address that, it
must first be understood that there are no perfect marriages simply
for the fact that there are no perfect people. Of course, some like
to think of themselves as being the perfect mate and insist that
if their mate would just get in line, they would have a perfect
marriage. But we are talking reality here, so we can dismiss that
right from the beginning without taking away any more time from
the subject at hand. For those who may still be sitting there with
a little smugness, I have this to say to you. If you expect perfection
from your mate, then you yourself had better be ready to be perfect
also. No marriage will ever be perfect, but it is a goal that one
must ever try to obtain as much as it is within your power to do
so. If each mate will spend more time trying to change themselves
rather than their mates, the problems will be resolved much more
rapidly without all of the accusations, finger-pointing and fault-finding,
because we can all do that with anybody if we try hard enough.
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Click here for Part 2 of this article: Okay,
Ladies, You're First
Click here for Part 3 of this article: Wipe
the Grins Off Your Faces, Men! You're Next!
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